Wednesday Night

Just following up from Jason's earlier post.

Jenna and Blake are doing well tonight. Not a lot to report from earlier other than the fact that I got some kangaroo time in with Blake. When Delia handed Blake to me tonight, he was still in his snuggie. When she brought him close to me, she handed him to me in a cradled position and when I looked down at him all snuggled up and held him for a split moment in my arms, something about this made me finally feel like I was acting like a "real mom"....doing wjat real moms do. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love having my babies rest on my chest. There is nothing like it. Not sure what made tonight's "transition" from isolette to my arms (although it was only a few seconds) so different and so very special. Perhaps it was that I have longed to hold my little ones in my arms and look down at them while they rest. Looking back, when I found out I was pregnant, I had this vision of looking down at my babies while they were laying in my arms.

While doing kangaroo care, Jenna and Blake rest on our bare chests. When they are in that position, and with them being so teeny tiny, you really can't see them well. You can see the top of their heads (or oversized hats in this case) and a fluttering little hand but you don't really get a good look at your beautiful babies while they rest on you. You don't get to just sit, hold and gaze at your baby. Part of me thinks....gosh, don't be so picky, at least you get to hold them occasionally. Yes, this is true but I guess in one way I feel cheated in the new parent experience. So far I STILL have not been able to hold my baby AND just sit and look at him/her at the same time. This must seem a bit strange unless you have been a NICU parent and this must almost sound a bit over the top but it is a feeling that I am experiencing. Now, I know that it is a matter of months that we, too, will parent our newborns just like the next new parent but it sure is hard having to wait so long. But enough of that....I am teetering on the self pity emotions that are part of this experience. So............let me move on. I have made a promise to myself that when the time comes, I will make sure not to take any of the new mommy perks for granted. At the same time, I strive to realize and enjoy each mommy perk that I am currently experiencing. I thank God for every minute I am able to reach in and touch and bond with my precious babies while they rest in their isolettes. Tonight's kangaroo time with Blake was so very rewarding. Just holding the little bundle was amazing. I wouldn't trade this very special time for anything.

~Good News!!!~
Jenna was able to go down on her CPAP pressure this afternoon, which is a really really good thing. Since this adjustment was made, it was suggested that we give her time to adjust and get used to the change. In doing so, we skipped kangaroo time with her tonight. We are so proud of how she has done so far. Can't wait to hold her again!!!!